Husband: Servant-Leader

What should every husband aspire to be for his wife and family? Here’s a no frills description: servant-leader. How much simpler can it be guys? At least on paper. First off, every Christ-like husband (or wife for that matter) begins as a diamond in the rough –  a very carefully chosen one. If you were like me, you were intent to marry a person of integrity whose compass was firmly set on a lifetime of seeking God. Naturally, the time it takes to complete such a rigorous assessment, brings into the light the awareness that areas of refinement are still underway. Thus, some marriage seasons have more “diamond” and other seasons more “rough.”  

I’m honored that Anne saw in me, a man that she could entrust herself to for a lifetime, and by the grace of God we are still pressing forward together, 37 years at this writing. She is well aware of my shortcomings, as the close quarters of married life reveal everyone’s weakness. The more a man tries to always appear strong is like the toddler playing hide and seek with their parent, who really thinks that mom can’t see them, though some part of their body is clearly exposed. Truth be told, my wife has played a major role in my being the man I am today and our foundation consists of many bricks that we placed in together over the years, including some that she herself interceded into reality on my behalf. Shared ownership of these times, mutual investment in the process, builds marital equity.

The ultimate servant-leader is Christ himself. “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mt. 20:28 “He made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.” Phil. 2:7 How Jesus served is plain to see in the Gospel accounts, and He is serving still, in his exalted place at the right hand of the Father. “Therefore He is able also to save forever (completely, perfectly, for eternity) those who come to God through Him, since He always lives to intercede and intervene on their behalf [with God].” Heb. 7:25 AMP (emphasis mine) As the Christ figure, a husband is the “burden bearer”, carrying the needs of wife and family into the secret place of prayer. Herein lies our sustenance as the servant-leader. As Jesus is our priest in heaven, husbands are to be the priestly leaders in the home. 

As the Christ figure, a husband is the “burden bearer”, carrying the needs of wife and family into the secret place of prayer. As Jesus is our priest in heaven, husbands are to be the priestly leaders in the home. Share on X

“For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Eph. 5:23-24 I love the clarity that the Message Bible lends here: “The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.” (emphasis mine)

A man’s wife and family need to feel his influence, to observe godly attributes in his character, and to have the security of knowing that he is seeking God for direction. Perhaps most importantly, a key quality of the servant-leader is spending quality time with family. Beyond simply a family devotion time or bedside prayers (all which are valuable) I believe the example of Jesus is the key. Yes, he taught in the synagogue and on the hillside, but there were also times of being around the fire, sharing meals, attending social functions, and of course miles and miles of hiking together, journeying across the countryside. Though Jesus was the busiest guy in the world, tasked with an enormous workload in a very small window of time, he managed to be unhurried in his interaction with those in whom he would reproduce himself. Guys, we have a legacy to impart, and that requires our time. Let’s serve. Let’s lead.

Though Jesus was the busiest guy in the world, tasked with an enormous workload in a very small window of time, he managed to be unhurried in his interaction with those in whom he would reproduce himself. Share on X